Lugubrious

Larry was the homeless guy who lived on Sunset Boulevard. No one really remembers when he first came or where he came from. They would always see him shuffling down the star-studded sidewalks, pushing a shopping cart filled with clothes, broken appliances, and his Westie, Jim. He wore an old, brown suit with more patches than brown and a matching fedora that closer resembled a limp rag.

He usually slept beside a dumpster in the alleyway behind Ma Chung's Chinese Food. Ma Chung had a soft heart for animals, and would leave plates of food out for the alley cat that lived behind her restaurant. Larry was a pretty good meow-er and was always sure to thank her with his best caterwaul.

He was a friendly guy, always saying "hello" to passersby (who usually ignored him) and chucking the cheeks of babies and children (whose horrified parents would quickly swipe the chucked cheek with a moist toilette). The hookers all called him "Pops" because he would pat their arms and call them his dears; and the drug dealers gave him little thank-you bags of pot whenever he would stand as a lookout if they had a big drop-off or pickup.

No one knew his life story or why he was out on the streets, but there was much speculation. Some said that he used to be a millionaire with a wife and two kids, but when he lost his fortune in a bum deal, the missus kicked him out. Others said that he lost his son in Vietnam which sent him into a lugubrious funk. In some of the stories, Larry was the 'Nam vet and he couldn't stand to go back to his old life.

One night, a washed-up writer stumbled out of a bar and saw Larry, in all his shabby glory, standing under a streetlamp. This writer took that picture as inspiration from Providence and promptly wrote a best-seller about a homeless bum who was really an angel in disguise. Of course, no one told Larry that he was the inspiration, so he didn't receive any royalties. Not even when Hollywood came to Beverly Hills to film the movie adaptation right in front of Ma Chung's.

Sometimes die-hard fans of the book or movie would come to Sunset Boulevard, hoping to get a glimpse of the infamous Larry. They would stand across the street and whisper excitedly to one another every time a homeless person would walk down the street. If Larry had known who they were looking for, he probably would have gone over. shook their hands, and not even charge them for it, being the nice guy that he was.

But, as it was, Larry never found out about the writer who made a homeless bum famous. He lived the rest of his life, chucking cheeks and picking useless appliances out of trashcans along the star-studded blocks of Sunset Boulevard, living among the hookers and druggies with his little Westie, Jim.

Bethany Bachman writes in Philadelphia and watched Pretty Woman last night.

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